Love/Hate/Light/Dark

Another super-long post.  This time on Sleep.
 
My plan was never to bedshare.  My plan, back in those halcyon days where I was pregnant and knew everything about raising children, was for Jack to sleep at night in his Arms Reach Cosleeper and to nap in his crib.  Then, at 6 months, when he could understand and when I didn't worry about him anymore, I was going to put him in his crib all night.  At one, when he was talking, I'd make him CIO, since then he could understand  that it was bedtime and mommy wasn't just leaving.

Ok, yes, yes, I know, its hilarious.  I was so naive and innocent back then. 

Of course, it turned out that I couldn't handle not touching him when he was sleeping.  I wanted to be right there in case he quit breathing or threw up or flew away.  He slept on top of me for his first month.  Then, when we finally moved to bed, the ARCS was ENTIRELY too far away from me, and he slept in the crook of my arm from that point on.

We did start putting him to bed in his crib at 2 months, and he slept in there for 6 hours at a time.  I'd bring him to bed with us when he woke the first time.

Until he was 4 months old and that wakeful period started.  And, basically, never ended.

He has been in bed with us full time since then (basically).

I love it.  I hate it.  Daniel hates it.  Jack loves it.

I love the snuggles.  I hate the exhaustion, the bedtime fights.  I love the quietness of nighttime nursing.  I love giving him something that can only come from me and that makes him so happy and peaceful. I hate not sleeping with myhusband.

Jack is now 21 months old.  He's happy, healthy, independent and securely attached. 

He goes to bed between 8 and 9 after between 30 minutes and 2 hours of rocking.  Daniel has been doing bedtime since August.  It does help.  It's still bad.

He wakes to nurse between 2 and 4 times a night.  He generally wakes for the day around 7:30, but that, too, is variable.

We are officially TTC.

I kind of like the idea of tandem nursing.  I completely hate the idea of "The Family Bed". 

My husband sleeps downstairs as many nights as up with us.  He tells me that he wants to sleep with me, but not the munchkin.

It's time to put my husband first.  It's time to make changes.  Slow, slow changes.

Clearly, it will be at least nine months before we have another baby.  I'd like a few months alone, in bed, with Daniel before that happens.

Step 1 starts tonight: Nightweaning.
We're going cold turkey. 

Daniel is off work for 9 days, which means we have 9 nights that he can help us.  9 mornings that I can sleep in if I need to. 

When Jack wakes up, I will snuggle him, offer him water.  If that doesn't work, Daniel will rock him or walk him.  Eventually he'll fall asleep.  It has to happen, right?  I'll nurse him anytime before 7pm and after 5am.  That seems fair.

He's going to stay in our bed.  I can't imagine moving him to his own room (or even his own bed) until he's waking less.  We're fighting one battle at a time. 

All week I've been showing him light and dark.  We go into the bathroom and turn on and off the lights.  Today, when he wakes from his nap, we're going to sit in there and say light and nurse.  Then turn them off, say dark, and not nurse. 

Tonight I'll nurse him before bed, tell him it's light outside so he can nurse, and then tell him "Nursies are going night-night".  A phrase I'm sure I'll repeat all night long.

As soon as it is light outside I'll tell him, and I'll nurse him.

I don't think tonight will be pretty.  I'm not looking forward to it. I'm not ready. But this has been wonderful as long as it's worked for my family.  And it's not working for my family any more. 

Step 2 and Step 3 (moving to his own bed and shortening bedtime) will come when nightweaning is established.  I'm hoping for end of August.).

Wish us luck!